Is it worth it?
by hello me
Summary: Well, this is pretty crappy stuff, lol. very dramatic. About Commodusand the wife who has to marry him. It has nothing to do with the movie really. Just used the character because he's a sexy little things. R&R if its so bad you want to tell me about it.
1. Default Chapter

1The day had come. I was to meet the husband whom I would share the rest of my life with. I was nervous. The nerves ached inside of me, begging me to run. Run for freedom. I sat in the carriage with my Father as he took me to the journey to my new husbands home. He said I may be pleasantly surprised. That the man I was to marry had met me before and desperately wanted me to be his wife. I wasn't so sure. I went through a list of people in my head of who I thought it could be but I have met so few unmarried men as to keep my reputation clean and the ones I have met would no doubt be beneath my fathers standards for his precious daughter. Then my father gave me some frightening news. He told me that the man who wished to marry me wanted me to stay with him first for no less than a month to see how compatible we were. He also wanted my blessing. My blessing! Could this man truly exist!

When we reached our destination I was astounded, and confused. The imperial palace? Who here could possibly want me? I stood bemused. I glanced to my father who noticed my furrowed brow. He gave me a smile and said, "who could it be?"

"Do not joke with me Father!"I exclaimed. "I must know!" Seeing my desperation, he told me to think back to a couple of years ago. Where did we go for summer? We went with Caesar to try to gain British armies to help us in the germanian war. Who did I spend all my time with..."Oh Lord, no!" I cried. "Commodus?"

My Father gave a nod and a praetorian helped me out of my carriage.

"I must return home to see to your sick Mother." My Father yelled out of the coach. I simply nodded and said goodbye. I turned to see the great palace and was suddenly aware of how I looked. I had luckily chosen to wear one of my finest gown today. A dark emerald velvet one with a gold edge. My mother bought it for me. She told me it was for me because it was a princesses dress. I thought she was having one of her turns and her illness was talking, yet now I understand. I was worried that Commodus would mind my hair being down and a little unkempt. I didn't think I would be going any place as exquisite as this today. My long black hair rolled down my shoulders in soft waves and my shining emerald eyes took in all of the beauties of the palace. I was of a slight build yet had my mothers curvy shape. We reached the entrance and I peered through my think lashes into the hall.

"Lavinia!" Somebody called my name. I turned and was astonished to see Commodus waiting for me with a broad smile playing across his lips. Her gave me a brief hug and I reciprocated. I smiled back at him. He said

"Come there is much to discuss!" He seemed very excited about it all.

"Caesar, I apologize for my unkept hai-"

"nonsense," he interrupted. "And please, call me Commodus. Is that not what you called me in Britain?"

"Yes." I chuckled remembering the fun we'd had there.

"How is life for you now, Lavinia?" He enquired, looking genuinely interested.

As he took a seat and offered me one. We both sat.

"Well, my Mother is taken ill, and my father is grumpy at te best of times. We don't get on" I answered quite numbly

"Oh, I know how that feels." Commodus interjected, almost whispering.

"I remember," I said, going to place a hand on his shoulder. I stopped it before it reached and dropped it, remembering how disrespectful it was to touch the Emperor. I had to know why he had picked me.

"Commodus, why me?" I asked

"Do you remember Britain? When we would talk all night, and the night when you left.?"

"Yes," I remembered shyly.

"You kissed me." He smiled. "And not a caring kiss, a real kiss, a lovers kiss."

I looked at the floor in embarrassment. "I am sorry," I uttered, to ashamed to look at him

"It gave me the most sensational feeling in the pit of my stomach." he continued. "I thought about it for what seemed like an age, and then your family returned to Rome. When I got back I felt I must see you again." he told me.

"Is that why we had that intimate dinner, just six of us?" I asked

"Yes, im sorry. I had to see you! You looked even more beautiful than I had remembered. I longed to hold you. Kiss you." he told me. Never once looking me in the eye from shame.

I turned him to face me and looked into his eyes

"Oh Commodus! I missed you terribly," I admitted. He held me tight. Tighter than was comfortable so I pulled away. He was positively gleaming at this comment.

"That is very comforting to know," he said. I beamed at him.

"You must be quite the popular man now that you have this great power," I said with a playful nudge.

"I think not. Most people do not seem to like me very much. They pretend to because they are scared. I don't know what they think I am! I am a friendly person!"

I could see he was getting worked up so I tried to sooth him.

"Jealousy does dreadful things to people, my sweet,"

He turned to me. "My sweet. I haven't heard that for so long."

I smiled at him again.

"You seem happy," he mused looking at me thoughtfully.

"It is nice to be here with you. I understand I have a say in this marriage?" I asked

"Yes. Yes you do. You are precious to me. One of the few people that ever cared about me. Now probably the only one. I would hate to make you unhappy."He answered.

I didn't know whether to be flattered or annoyed at his self pity. I remembered how trying he could be, but he didn't have a very happy childhood.

"I care about you very much." I reassured him. He smiled and waved a praetorian over to me.

"Julian."Commodus addressed the man, "Escort this lady to her suite, and introduce her to Pamella."

"Sire," He answered with a nod. Commodus turned to me

"Pamella will be your servant for as long as you are here. She will help prepare you for dinner. I am sure you are quite famished from your journey."

"Thank you Commodus," I replied happily and hurried after the praetorian.

I caught up with him. He was much taller than me and I could see he was glancing down my dress. A little embarrassed I looked away. I couldn't help but be flattered he was a handsome man. He had small piercing azure eyes and dark hair. I big strong chin and a large chest. He must have been taken out of the army to be placed as the Emperor's guard as he had the body of a warrior. When we arrived at my rooms he opened the door for me and said I a deep husky voice, "You ever need a guard miss, ask for Julian," then there was a quick flash of a smile and he was gone. A small smile played over my lips and I turned to my rooms. They were nothing less than exquisite by all accounts. Lavishly furnished in crimson and dark wood. The bed had thick crimson and emerald rugs on it. Gold pillows lay at the head of the bed. It was beautiful.

Pamella awaited me in there. She introduced herself and I told her to call me Lavinia. She smiled and began helping me choose a gown for dinner.


	2. A huge misunderstanding

1When dinner came I was reacquainted with Lucilla and her beautiful son Luscious. I think he liked me as he was asking if he could show me around the gardens. I had some nice conversations with all three members of the family. Commodus instantly complimented the way I looked. He said he was glad I wasn't afraid to wear my hair down it looked gorgeous on me. He was so nice to. I didnt understand why. He did seem genuine though. It was nearing the end of dinner when Commodus issued me a challenge.

"Lavinia, are you still as infatuated with battle as I remember you being?" he asked. A sly little smirk apperaing on his frosty-white face. I eyed him playfully yet suspiciously.

"Yes," I answered slowly. "Why?"

"Well," he began, "I seem to remember a challenge issued about two three years ago. You seemed to think you could beatme at a sword fight!" He luaghed. I frowned at him. Same old Commodus.

"I still could!"I exclaimed.

"Show me," he said slowly.

"Fine!" I smiled.

After dinner, Commodus and I made our way to a room built especially for the practice of sword fighting. He gave me a little armor chest plate that he himself had grown out of. I tied my hair back and picked up the lightest sword, and he the heaviest.

I looked into his eyes as we neared the middle of the room.

"Don't worry," he said "I wont hurt you!"

"HA!" I laughed loudly, "Im not promising anything my sweet!"

At that I thrust me sword at him and he back. We fought for quite some time but I could tell he was taking it easy on me as he wasn't even sweating and I was panting like some sort of animal! Then when I was just about to give up, Commodus accidently bought his sword down and sliced a small cut im my left arm. I squealed loudly and threw my sword down, ripping off my armor to better inspect the wound. Commodus quickly dropped his sword and tried to hug me, but I pushed him away savagely. He backed off, still shocked and dropped to his knees. He looked up at my worried face as I tried to stop the bleeding a shouted

"God, why do I hurt everybody!"

I jumped back in suprise and looked at him. I forgot about my arm and just looked at him. His eyes locked on mine. His were watering. My heart melted a little.

"Im so sorry." he cried.

"Its ok. Just a scratch," I joked. Both of our concerned faces turned into slight smiles and Commodus ordered on of the Praetorian guards to fetch a medic quickly. The medic applied some sort of cream to my arm. I cried out as it burned me and noticed Commodus wince at my howl.

"You'll be fine in a day or two. Just change the bandage every couple of hours and apply this cream" I nodded and the medic left. I said to the Praetorian guard,

"Could you find Julian please, I would like him to escort me to my room as I have not yet learned the way."

"Yes miss." the guard replied and hurried off. My asking of Julian my name had caused Commodus to look very confused.

"What is it?" I asked innocently

"Why Julian? How did you remember his name? I only said it once?" He asked, almost accusingly.

"Julian told me to ask for him if I ever needing anything and he seemed trustworthy. You trust him don't you?" I tried to get the conversation off me. I knew full well why I had aske specifically for Julian.

"I trust him," commodus answered quietly looking at te floor like a child.

It was then that Julian arrived.

"Ready Miss?" he asked me.

"Yes thankyou," I answered. I glanced at Commodus. "Send for me if you need me." I smiled. Julian was walking in silence with me but I could still feel the little bolts of chemistry between us. I noticed his breathing changed when I was very close.

"I didnt think you would call fo me again Miss." he said as we neared my room.

"You were pleasant to me. Thankyou. I feel quite alone here." I said quietly.

"You have Pamella, Miss," the Praetorian answered.

"I dismiss her after she has helped me ready for dinner. I don't want to be a burden." I noticed him looking down my dress again. This time it was a little arousing that he took this interest. Me and Commodus were more like friends. I opened my door and turned to Julian and smiled.I went to shut the door but he stopped it with his foot and pushed it open. I gave him a look and both fear and confusion. Before I could think he lifted me up and threw mw down onto the bed.

"No, Julian" I beg you!" I cried out.

"Come on youve been making eyes at me ever since you arrived! You want this as much as I do!" he growled. He began kissing my neck and he pinned down my arms.

I was screaming but nobody could here me. This couldnt happen! I had never experienced these things before. I felt his searing hot breath consume my neck as he worked his way up to my mouth. He grabbed my face with his free and and planted a hard probing kiss on my lips. All I could hear were my muffled cries of fear and his growls of pleasure. Ha pulled his face back and I hoped he was done. He looked over my body grinning. He looked back up into me eyes , I saw they were full of lust and yearning, he breathed

"If you make a sound, I will make it rip you apart!"

Tears were now streaming freely down my face as his hands freely roamed my tense body, stopping to pinch my nipples hard. He tore at my flimsy dress like an animal until my breasts were bear and began to feel his way up my inner thigh. He stopped just before he plunged his finger inside and a look of panick contorted his face. Footsteps! He dived off me and I screamed. At that point the footsteps were racing towards the room as the praetorian readied himself with his sword, ready to kill the slave who entered, only it was no slave.

Commodus burt in with a sword of his own. He had felt terrible about the way he had treated me earlier and had come to apologize. I will be eternally grateful that he did! The Praetorians face dropped when he saw who it was. The Emperor's face also dropped when he saw the scene in front of him. H screamed, "guards!" and instantly the room filled with praetorian. I hid underneath my blankets to hide my shame, still whimpering. Commodus screamed at the guards to take this animal outside. The were to crucify him in the gardens as a lesson to all! His eyes I noticed were filled with furious tears. His teeth gritted the whole time. I was so sorry I had done this to him. I was terrible ashamed. After the room was empty and it was only me and Commodus left. He was breathing heavily, a look of complete disbelief on his face and I sat sobbing lightly. Commodus looked over to me, his expression unreadable. He approached me. I cowered as I saw the rage was still burning behind his eyes. He clenched his fist into a tight ball and thrust it down toward me. The look on his face was only there for a split second. It was like when a beautiful cat hisses and attacks. His fist pounded heavily into the pillow just left of my head. Tears were now flowing like rivers down his porcelain face.

"Please tell me you didn't." He breathed out quietly.

"I didn't. I didn't want to!" I whimpered.

His eyes were traveling to my face when he saw the deep purple bruises on my arm. They were the exact shape of big fingers. He exhaled deeply and buried his face into my stomach. I stroked his hair lightly. I slid out from underneath him to go and rinse my tear stained face and change my clothes. I changed into my small black night dress. I felt a little self conscious because I realized that it left little to be imagined. I was aware of the attention my body attracted.


	3. Love me fight me

1I went back into my sleeping quarters, where Commodus lay. He looked up at me through beautiful watery eyes which widened at the sight of my body. He took a slow long look at my form making me shift a little uneasily. He than sat up and could only say, "Lavinia!"

"Commodus, I cannot sleep in tonight. You understand?" He nodded still looking at me in silence.

"I was thinking, Is there another bed free?" He nodded again and smiled this time. He offered me half of his bed. I gratefully excepted, yet made it clear that I just wanted to sleep. That didn't stop us drinking and talking and laughing until the sun began to rise before drifting into a satisfied sleep.

In the morning, I rose before Commodus who slept peacefully next to me. I snuck back to my own chambers before anybody could see me as I didn't want to be seen in my small night dress. The next morning was glorious. The sun beamed from behind its protective clouds as me Commodus, Luscious and I walked around the grand house and they told me stories. As Commodus spoke there was a childish excitability in his voice and he acted the things out when he was really passionate about them. I beamed at him the whole morning. He looked so handsome, and the way he was with Luscious. I felt myself falling for him. If he held me to show me a fighting technique or to show me how he danced I physically melted. I blushed and my pulse went through the roof! There were however, moments when we were both uncomfortable. Sometimes our faces would fall incredibly close and we would both be glancing at each others lips, daring each other to kiss them yet willing ourselves not to.

That evening I went to Commodus' chambers and tapped on the solid door.

"Who is it?"Commodus snapped from inside. I was used to this side of him. He had showed his moodiness all to well in Britain, usually because it was cold. I gave a loud tut and answered

"Who do you want it to be?"

"Nobody. I wish to be alone," he responded bluntly

"If you didnt want me here you wouldnt have asked who was at the door, you would have simply sadi 'go away!'" I waited but no response came so I inched the door open and peered inside. Commodus was clad in all black and sitting in front of a roaring fire, looking very sinister, staring into it. I stormed in as it was my nature and demanded he tell me what's wrong. He slowly peeled his eyes off the flames and into my eyes. The look he gave wa so peircing I imagined he was loking at the wal behind me. H must have noticed my concern because his own expression softened a little, but was still hard.

"I cannot tell you. You would not understand," he told me meekly

"Don't be so silly!" I exclaimed, "I bet its nothing." I remarked casually.

He shot me a look of pure ice and stood up. He put his face right in mine causing me to lean backwards a little in an attempt at intimidation.

"I should have let Julian have his way with you, you whore!" He spat viciously. I was absolutely enraged. I did something nobody else had done before. I yelled and screamed at his royal highness with complete disregard for my own life.

"How dare you, you spoiled little boy! You pretend you care about me? HA, you love yourself to much there's no room for anybody else!" I screamed at the top of my voice pounding his chest with my tiny hands. He grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him.

"Go ahead!" I screamed, "because right now I don't want to live anyway!" I howled. His livid expression which was searching over my face suddenly smiled. He pulled me into a long hard kiss. He pressed his hot tongue into my mouth and I let him. I began to kiss back. He lifted me up, pulling my slim legs around his strong middle and walked with me, still kissing him into his bed chamber and threw me down. My pulse was racing and my face felt hot. I tried to muffle escaping moans through the hard kisses. I hadn't considered the consequences of arousing Commodus until now. His weight was pressing me down and his hangs were claiming ever inch of my body. His hot breath like a dragons on my face. I was in danger. I wasn't ready for this yet! His hands were grasping harder and harder at me nightdress and it began to come loose. His hands grabbed greedily at my breasts and in a moment of panic shoved him away. Hard. He looked devastated. His eyes were welling up and as he didn't want me to see him cry he ran. I got up and hurried after him but he lost me.

He didn't come back to be that night and I didn't sleep, I waited. I was worried for Commodus and worried for my safety. The next morning I dressed and hurried around the palace in search of Commodus. I had a desperate need to explain why I had pushed him off. His face told me that he thought he repulsed me.

I needed to tell him, I loved him.

I was frantically searching every room, almost crying when I found him. He was sitting alone, in deep thought on his throne. I slowly approached him.

"Commodus, let me explain," I began. I didn't get a chance to finish.

"You were lying to me, like all of them. You wanted to embarrass me. You hate me!" He interrupted. I went to say something, but he cut me off again. I could see by his eyes that he hadn't slept all night either. The dark skin around his eyes was darker making the intense green brighter.

"I really wanted you Lavinia. You hurt me, and I vowed that would never happen to me again. Not after father. Oh, but he payed!" he seethed. He then realized what he had said and looked at me.

I was frowning deeply in confusion, "No...no Commodus it isn't true!" I begged. He looked away in complete shame.

"I killed him Lavinia," he almost whispered, a shake in his usually smooth voice. He looked at me again, his wolfish eyes, so hurt, so vulnerable.

"Why?" I asked painfully.

"I just wanted love. I only ever wanted love. How is it that you can love everybody more that your own son? He didnt trust me as Emperor. He wanted to give it to another man. Even before he died he could not tell me that he loved me!" Commodus forced. He turned to me, his tone deep.

"Now you can really hate me to cant you. Avoid me, just like everybody else. How could you ever love this monster that I am." he whined.

"Oh, dear sweet commodus." Was all I could whisper. I did love him. Perhaps more now than ever. I didn't care what he had done in rage. I understood why he had done it. My heart bled for him.

"Leave me." he said quietly. I took a step towards him and he turned to me. His face was frightening like it was that night on my bed.

"LEAVE ME!" He screamed. I fought back my tears and left. Commodus didn't come to dinner that night and didn't send for me. I was so scared. He wouldn't let anybody near him. What was he doing? Had he done something to himself?

"Please God let him be ok." I prayed for the first time in years. I didn't sleep that night either and was beginning to feel ill. The next day I dressed, rather slowly, thinking that I had lost my love, as I knew full well how stubborn Commodus could be. I was summoned to the main room of the palace later that evening. I was nervous, **_'this man has the power to end my life!'_** I thought as butterflies began to flutter in the pit of my stomach. I slowly marched to the room as if I was walking the plank. I opened the door to find Commodus standing on a huge balcony overlooking Rome.

I cleared my throat to get his attention. He turned. His cheeks were tear-streaked. He looked deadly serious and I gulped in fear at this.


	4. Desperate love

1"Don't fear me." he said, simply and softly, "I meant it when I said I wont hurt you. I've thought about it but I cant." He laughed manically, "I still love you." He took a strong step towards and pulled my face up to look at him. Our noses were almost touching as he held my face still.

"I STILL LOVE YOU!" He bellowed at me. I wanted to say it back but I was completely frozen from fear.

"You'll have no reason to fear me soon. I am going into battle to fight. To win an honorable death. You. You go home. Marry another." His voice trailed of as he finished his sentence. He looked away. At the thought of his leaving I suddenly came to life. I staggered towards him and spun him around. I slapped him hard around the face. He looked at me, expressionless.

"What is wrong with you?" I screamed. "I will not let you go into battle! I will not let you leave me!" I shouted.

"As if you ever wanted me in the first place! You're just like all the others!" he retorted

"ALL THE OTHERS DON'T LOVE YOU!" I bellowed right in his face. I realized what I had said and backed away a little. Commodus didn't know what to say. I think he was deciding whether I was lying.

"You love me?" He asked me, rather unemotionally.

"Yes Commodus. I would do anything for you!" I exclaimed

"Prove it." he said flatly. That old sly smile playing across his lips. He went over to the table where cleaning supplies were found and pulled out a bottle of rat poison. He handed it to me. I began to cry, fully aware of what I would have to do.

"Drink." He ordered. If I didn't, I would surely be slaughtered in the coliseum in front of the mob. If I drank I would die for love, alone with my sweet.

I forgot all sense of reason and bought the heavy green bottle to my lips. I remembered the summer in Britain, when me and Commodus had kissed. I was just a girl of fifteen, and Commodus was I young man of seventeen. He looked so vibrant then, his emerald eyes shone like beacons. He looked so different now. That was my fault. He hadn't slept in nights due to my selfish behavior. Perhaps he would be better without me. I cant make him happy like I did in Britain, where he told me about his father shutting him out, his mothers death. He was so vulnerable, so beautiful that I had to kiss him. He returned the kiss graciously and we shared the warmest kiss either of us had felt.

I tipped the bottle back slowly and contorted my face. I felt the weight of my death shift down the bottle neck. I felt the ice cold of the black liquid press against my lips, demanding entry. I was ready to comply when the bottle was snatched out of my hands with a passion and smashed down on the floor. I opened my eyes in surprise to see Commodus standing in front of me shaking and silently crying. I didn't take my eyes off him or change my expression as he neared me. He put one hand firmly around the back of my neck, smoothing the hairs that were standing on end, expecting their end. He used his embroidered sleeve to wipe the trickle of poison from my top lip.

"You love me?" He whispered between tears. The best I could force was a nod.

"Forgive me please...please." he begged. He let go of me and reached for his sword. He handed it to me and kneeled before me. This was an amazing sign of respect. He was offering me his life! I loved him so much, I couldn't. My hands were shaking violently as I through the sword clattering to the stone floor. I kneeled before him and reached out to him. He began crying painfully, howling for forgiveness. "Im not worthy of you." He began whimpering, but I persisted and eventually he let me hug him. He was beginning to calm in my arms. "I love you." I whispered as sincere as it had ever been said. I pulled away and made him look me in the eye.

"Commodus, will you marry me?" I asked with all of my heart. He laughed and said

"I would be honored, my queen"

They sat in each others arms for some time until all was calm. Commodus pulled me back and looked deep into my eyes.

"I love you. I've loved you from the first time I saw." He whispered. I smiled broadly and brought him in for a deep desperate kiss. He returned it instantly and it was clear how much longing was in the air. I felt that feeling I'd had the other night when Commodus had taken me to the bed. A longing I had never felt before, deeper than my stomach. I kissed him harder and more passionately than ever before, commanding a small moan from my lover. The sound made me hungry for him. I loved the power I held, even if I was unsure of what was happening. He leaned me back until I was laying flat on the floor, the dull late evening sun barely lighting up our forms and we desperately kissed one the cool marble floor.

Commodus hitched up my dress and I felt the warmth of his hands explore my smooth legs, and then down my arms. He began kissing my neck and undoing my dress. It was only a thin dress as it was summer. Commodus got impatient and just ripped the dress open exposing my bare breasts. He stared down at them with lust, taking in their beauty before attacking them. He bit and pinched my nipples, hard. The pain was delectable and I moaned loudly. At this Commodus slid his hand up me dress and felt for my most private place. I felt his fingers enter me. I felt pain but the longing was deeper. I wanted him to enter me, more than anything and pushed my hips up to show him. He moved up and continued to torture my breasts and nipples in his hot hands I moaned loudly again and began removing Commodus' clothes and he fully remove my dress and undergarments. We both took in each others naked forms and both burning with lust continued our tirade over innocence.

Commodus slowly ran his fingers up my inner thighs making my entire body shiver. I was ready for him and he knew it.he took both his hands and lifted my hips and entered me slowly with a moan. His face was the definition of pleasure. Pain soared through my body making me cry out in pain. Commodus continued his rhythmic thrusting and the pain wore away. It felt amazing. I grabbed hold of Commodus' buttocks, pleading for harder thrust and he complied, thrusting hard and fast. I felt this strange but staggering feeling wash over ma and I moaned loudly and dug my nails into commodus' back. As I felt him thrust really hard, so I might split in two and I heard him moaning loudly as I felt his warm seed seep into me. He collapsed onto me breathing loudly. I held him tightly.


End file.
